Episode 4: Valley of the Twenty Something Guys

Watch date 2/5/2011

The episode begins – yet again – with Carrie typing “Once upon a time.” This is now the second time in four episodes to use this narrative ploy. Tired. The intro story is then about Carrie and Mr. Big – told as if it’s a fairy tale of destiny how they keep bumping into each other. They finally decide to bump into each other on purpose.

While waiting in line with Miranda and Charlotte for the opening of a hot new restaurant that Sam’s PR firm is managing, we see Charlotte’s date – Brian - from afar. This man has Charlotte’s big three in terms of her interests – “Looks, manners and money.” (Remember the manners part for later.) Char is ecstatic because Brian is interested in buying a painting from her. “Love and a commission!” Carrie is supposed to be meeting Mr. Big at this event and says he’s late. When the girls ask about how the date got set up Carrie warns that it’s not a date, Mr. Big said it was “a drink thing.” Aah – we’ve certainly all been there before, wondering over what exactly an event is supposed to be, worrying that you’re giving it too much importance if the other person isn’t on the same page. It’s totes annoying to have to play that game. I’m pleasantly surprised at how aloof Carrie is playing it. So far. She seems not to care, which I think is pretty great considering she doesn’t yet know if it’s supposed to be a date.

Miranda is also supposed to be meeting someone at the club. Poor old Skippy. He’s also late and she’s wondering where he is. Char says she can’t believe Miranda is dating someone so young. Miranda responds, “it’s not a date thing. It’s a fuck thing.” Man that’s harsh. I mean, glad she’s calling a spade a spade on her end…but every time Miranda uses the F bomb it feels like HBO was just making her say that because they could.

Carrie gets a call that Mr. Big can’t make it. This is when she loses the aloof. She asks Miranda to listen to the message and decide if he’s not meeting her as a date or not meeting her as a friend. Thankfully the very next sentence is Carrie chastising herself for caring otherwise I may have shut the TV off right then.

The girls find Samantha cozied up in a booth with the head chef named Jon. She’s got one hand in his coat like he’s Napoleon and the other one draped over the arm of his chair like she’s owning him. When he gets up from the table she says “have I mentioned that I’m sleeping with him?” Like we couldn’t have guessed. They are with a guy named Sam (played by Timothy Olymphant from such films as Scream 2 and The Crazies as well as the TV show Damages and the new one on FX called Justified).

It’s once again painful to watch Carrie flirt with this man. “Sam? Whose named Sam?” she says as if she’s talking to a dog and even though he’s the only other person sitting in the booth and they were JUST introduced. It felt like the kind of line my sister could get away with – she’s got that amazing ability to say something I groan over but there’s a glint in her eye and an expression on her lips when she says it and men would always eat it up. Sam offers to buy drinks and as he walks away Carrie says that 20 somethings always know the right B list people – bartenders, busboys, and their butts are always so cute. [camera shot following butt.] Shudder. I think the only person who can talk about butts being cute is Mike Rowe when he talks about his own.

Skipper does show up. I feel terrible for the guy. It seems as if the reason he’s late is because he was at the bar trying to get drinks. “They stopped making martini’s so I got two rum and cokes.” Miranda says “I hate rum and I hate coke. But thanks” and snarkily takes the drink. Skipper looks like she ran over his puppy. Not entirely sure what happened to the “hello – so glad you made it. How nice of you to wait in line for me.” But maybe that’s my wholesome Midwestern upbringing? New guy/Sam of course returns with – tad ah!- martinis. And of course Miranda takes one. Poor poor Skipper.

Sam pulls Carrie away from the group because he wants to show her something. She leans in and he pops his tongue out. He’s apparently showing off his tongue ring. This I don’t understand. Unless he JUST got it that day/week and is in that place of “check it out I just got this” I don’t see why you would show your tongue ring to a woman you just met. My sister has one and I can guarantee you she does not do this. Nor did she when she was in her twenties. What’s even more disturbing is the close up camera shot of this. The way he keeps sticking his tongue out reminds me of Yukon Cornelius in the Rudolph claymation movie when he keeps licking his pick axe.

Carrie TOUCHES Sam’s tongue. I’ve never witnessed this happen before either. But it does serve as a great moment in the show because of course this is right when Mr. Big shows up in his suit which makes Carrie reaching for this kids tongue seem even sillier. She says she thought he wasn’t coming. He said his message said he’d try to make it for an hour. “well great – you’re here, you’ve got an hour, let’s have a drink.” Turns out he spent 30 minutes in line outside, 20 minutes waiting for her so all he has time for is to tell her he’s out of time. But he does grab her by both arms as he says it and seems disappointed. He tells her to have a good time and departs. Carrie says “Men in their 40’s are like the NY Times crossword puzzle – tricky, complicated and you’re never really sure you got the right answer.” I assume this means she’s referring to the confusion she has about whether it was supposed to be a date (he did spend 50 minutes looking for her) mixed with how easily he was able to blow it off…but they don’t explain.

Samantha and Carrie decide to follow Sam and Jon out when Sam declares that the party is tired despite the fact that it’s packed, which reminds me of Swingers. But I get it. Carrie narrates that they decide to go to a twenty something bar but then her character proclaims “these people – they are all in their twenties!” in disbelief. It sounds weird considering her narrator character seemed to get this about it. Perhaps they should’ve had someone else say that line. She ends up making out with Sam on a couch at the bar while Miranda makes out with Jon. Her lead in to this is asking him “what’s it like to kiss someone with one of those.” It’s bold. I’ll give her that.

The next morning Samantha calls Carrie to say she’s fucked. Carrie immediately assumes something is wrong. But no, it’s just the slutbag calling to say that she’s been fucked every way she can be fucked. She proceeds to list off all of the positions she and Jon did it in. (which of course means we get to see it in flashback.) I’m not entirely sure why she’s calling to brag in such a detailed manner. It’s not like she’s going to get street cred for all the positions (or maybe she will?). Nor is it like Carrie is begging for the deets. I mean – she doesn’t own a home in the Hamptons. Carrie, I feel I must mention, is wearing a pink sheer nightie and night blinders while Samantha is dressed all in a white negligee and robe like it was the first night of her honeymoon.

Carrie confesses that she and Sam spent five hours making out. No sex. She then likens twenty somethings to a designer drug because she’s got a craving and wants to call him even though her lips are still swollen. So men in their 40’s are a puzzle, and men in their 20’s are a drug. Got it. She says she knows why women like men in their twenties, but why on earth do these men like women in their thirties? We then cut to my favorite portion of the show when they interview men on the street.

“They are grateful – everything you throw at them is like throwing food to the starving.” -Jake 25. Dog walker and bass player.

“They give great head and know a lot about wine.”

“They remind me of my mom.”

Skipper says “They know who they are and what they want. And I like that.”

“Two words – smart pussy.” - a high school senior.

Cut to a scene of Miranda and Carrie walking down the street. Miranda is wearing another men’s tailored business suit and I’m half expecting her female date from episode three to show up. Carrie asks Miranda what’s going on here with their interest in twenty something men – Miranda says it’s just sex. “Good old fashioned, eager to please, do what I tell you to, eagle scout sex.” Sounds like Miranda really needs to be in charge of something and if it ain’t her career, she’s going to boss around her boy. Somebody tell me if she becomes a dominatrix by Season 6. Carrie then lies about a meeting with her editor so she can go to Banana Republic and help Sam pick out a shirt/make out with him in the dressing room. LIES. So you’re lying to your friends now. I’m going to go on a limb and say that I am hopeful that it’s because they are going with this recreational designer drug theme and we’re seeing what happens if she gets addicted. Also, I love that as they make out in the dressing room she immediately starts to wonder if he could be a potential boyfriend. Ah so quickly we fall.

Next thing you know, Mr. big asks her to meet him for another drink thing. Unfortunately for Carrie she is thrown off her schedule to meet him by Charlotte calling her freaked out by a request that her perfect mannered new boyfriend Brian made of her. So Carrie hops in a cab and says Charlotte should jump in with her to tell her what’s going on as she heads to her date. Apparently after a couple of weeks of dating and Brian thinking Charlotte is perfect he’s decided to ask her if they can have anal sex.

Yeah – that just happened. Anal sex. Ah Charlotte. What’s a girl to do. They pick up Miranda and Samantha on the way to Carrie’s date because Charlotte needs reinforcements. I love the line “even in her state of abject blackness, Charlotte was a dating optimist.” Yes – the quandaries of anal sex are always something that darken my mood. Right after wondering if we’ll ever see an end to the economic crisis or AIDS. Miranda gets in the car and immediately turns it into a conversation about power. If he goes up your butt will he respect you more or respect you less. Samantha meanwhile says a hole is a hole and tells Miranda she could use some backdoor action. Charlotte is overwhelmed. “What are you talking about? I went to Smith!” Ha. I like that line because as she says it you can really appreciate how out of character this whole thing is for her. She thought Brian had manners!

Carrie finally arrives for her date but Mr. Big is not alone. (Although I have to mention here that for some reason Chris Noth’s upper lip is distractingly sweaty in this scene. ) Seems he’s been joined at the eleventh hour by a bitter friend named jack who is “going through my second divorce. The bitch is getting everything the first bitch didn’t.” Ouch. Mr. Big claims he called him crying and asks her to forgive him. She throws some money on the table, tells him to have a guys night and treat him to a drink on her. Unfortunately this money was her cab money and she walks 48 blocks in $400 shoes. I hope this is an exaggeration. I would never walk 48 blocks in heels.

She goes to the twenty something bar to find Sam and “get a little kiss. Something to take the edge off.” But she’s not getting the same rush with the kiss, so she goes home with him and sleeps with him. And is ecstatic when he spoons her as well.

Char tries to tell Brian that she doesn’t want to be the up the butt girl. She wants “children and nice bedding.” He asks if they can do it normally and she agrees. Aw. Compromise.

Samantha goes home with Jon who tells her she gets the cutest wrinkles in her neck when she lays down. She has the epiphany that as long as she’s sleeping with boy toys she’ll always be older than them and vows from there on out to stop dating younger men.

Carrie wakes up from her twenty something encounter to realize she’s in a twenty something apartment. As he tells her about this dream he had he suddenly goes from being extremely interesting to really dumb. Everything out of his mouth about this dream seems like he’s a dope. I don’t understand this but again I think it’s because they are doing this drug theme and she’s no longer feeling his effects. His apartment is completely dirty. Like beyond the dirtiest boy apartment you’ve ever seen. He makes up a song called “unicorn woman” as he makes her coffee using the last of the toilet paper as a filter as she’s drip drying on the toilet. It’s a totally extremist depiction used to shake Carrie out of wanting to continue to hook up with these young uns. I would assume it’s because our shows plot so far circles around her and Mr. Big getting together at some point. But maybe they are trying to say something about cougars and how they should knock it off?

As she heads home from shoe shopping, replacing one addiction for another, she realizes her run in with Sam has made her realize she’s over the men from her past but not necessarily ready for the men of her future. (Maybe you should try to date some thirty somethings instead of heading straight to the 40 year olds?) She runs into Mr. Big at a sidewalk cafe. He asks her to join him and then asks her to dinner. She says no and yes. In typical guy fashion it seems her bailing on dinner the night before and then saying no to join him is enough to get the invite. Gotta love how they always want what they can’t have. She tells him he can call her for dinner and she ends the episode with “Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down, but sometimes, like now, they get you so high.”

And scene.

So what’s the deal with Mr. Big and Carrie running into each other all over like they live in some small town USA? It reminds me of the line in When Harry Met Sally “In a city of over 8 million people you’re bound to run into your ex wife. So boom. It happened.” Perhaps this is supposed to aid in making us feel they are destined for each other? I can’t say I’m feeling it yet. Other than the part where we want what we can’t have. I still know nothing about this character to make him appealing to me.

And here’s what I have to say about the “up the butt” conversation. Man life must move fast in New York. I love that after a couple of weeks of dating, deciding about having anal sex constitutes a power play. Call me a prude but I’m thinking that just getting to the regular sex after a couple of weeks would be enough to throw some people into a discussion about whether there should be a concern for a loss of respect. Poor Charlotte.

I keep calling both Skippy and Charlotte “poor.” Perhaps we should hook those two kiddos up. If Miranda wants to continue having her eagle scout sex with the kid she is going to need to stop biting his head off. I hope we get to be there when Skippy tells her off. Or when he gets a haircut. And better glasses.